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Dumb Things People Say To Musicians

    There is one trepidation I have about social gatherings, particularly when I don't know a lot of people present.  It's not just the small talk - after all, strangers have to start somewhere.  It's the tendency of things people say when/if they find out I am a musician - when a person gives you that "Oh that's so cute" vibe and you see it coming.

    "So...what's the name of your group?"
In of itself, this is not a bad question whatsoever...rather it's when you confirm not to being in a commercially notorious ensemble they look past you with that lazy Sunday afternoon kind of gaze.   The implication being your legitimacy is premised on immediate recognition.  If the gathering crowd are clueless enough you can always respond with rattling off Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith or Oingo Boingo though if it is a crowd of those in your demographic you can get creative - tell them your band MonkeySnot (emphasizing it as one word) just got signed by Simon Cowell and will be playing the superbowl halftime show.  

   Or ought we retort by asking the name of the company for which they work instead of asking what they do?  And as they confirm their company is not a Fortune 500 we can tilt our head and say, "Oh...that's nice" as we  walk away.

   "You must have a lot of groupies."
This one is a peach.   It tells you more about a person's motivation for approaching a job as an artist.  Because I embarked on this journey of developing my craft in drumming, expression and perpetually hustling to land paying gigs so that I could be pre-emptively renown for having lascivious proclivities. 

   "What is your day (real) job?"
This one used to be perhaps the most annoying inquiry but then I read Bill Bruford's Bill Bruford The Autobiography where he wrote about getting the exact same question at his wife's gatherings even after his long list monumental musical achievments.  I figured if Bill still deals with it I can "roll" with it.  I understand if a person does not know a musician can make a living without being famous -  but the disbelief that a musician can make a living without having to be a commercial novelty indicates one knows nothing of self-employment or entrepreneurship.  This is exemplified by their insanity of living for a pension they're never going to get.

   "You must love not having to get up early."
   Oh...

   "You must love the flexible hours."
   Says whom?  And what is flexible about having to be somewhere on time to earn money regardless of the time of day?

   "Well at least you're doing what you love to do."
   Do people say this to hookers?  So yes musicians also have to make an effort to not hate themselves for the fact the love music.  The constant hustle that is required, the absolutely unfair wage and time requirements...yeah, something more has to carry you through this - but no, it doesn't make it okay because I love to play drums - it actually makes it worse.  And perhaps to add a practical thought on this - one can have a day job and still be a musician.  This is a whole discussion unto itself - read about it!

    Ultimately you begin to wonder if thoughtless statements and questions are just airing grievances by those who resent not having the courage to follow-through on their own interests.  Then again such people wouldn't have the depth to have a desire for self-actualization in the first place. 

   It's not that I'm offended per se by these things but that I am utterly bored by this kind of palaver when it's insistent.  It is completely different when a person is sincerely interested and it's not hard to tell.  Some think being a musician is a pretend career and we'd like them to pat us on the head like a nice doggy, after which I usually pee on their foot.

Thoughts? Comments? Criticisms? I'm open to read your thoughts!